You Saw Our Tears

 

I have just heard the news of someone whose mother has died from cancer, this lady’s Mum lived in canada, and so with all the lockdown measures in place, she was not able to be with her dear Mum, but was able to be with her via internet link, and witness her passing from this life, to be with her Saviour who she loved.

my heart went out to this lady and her sister, not being able to be there, to hold their Mums hand, and kiss her goodbye.

I was so privileged in being with both my parents when they died, both loved the Lord, and they were ready to be with him, so for me and my sisters, it was a sense of joy that they were out of their suffering, but also a deep sadness at losing them, but, I was very conscious of a sense of deep comfort and a blanket of love, as so many dear friends were praying for us in our loss.

so these words came to me.  

YOU SAW OUR TEARS.

You saw our tears,

Our helplessness,

Our heavy hearts,

our pain,

As we looked on,

at one so dear,

Whose life was on the wane.

Our sorrow and impending loss

You saw,

and felt it too,

As you dear Lord,

Wept when you walked,

On earth,

So long ago,

You saw, and moved the hearts of those,

Who felt and saw each tear,

And as,

for us,

they quietly prayed,

We felt you Lord so near,

As each prayer reached your listening ear,

Asking that we would gain,

Comfort and love from your dear self,

To help us,

through our pain.

Such Love, such comfort gave us strength,

To bid farewell,

let go,

In grief we struggle,

yet we feel,

Your love is everywhere,

Because of those who pray for us,

In heartfelt loving prayer.

Trust…..Letting go

Many years ago, a work colleague  confided in me about something that had happened to her, causing her to feel, betrayed, humiliated, hurt to the very core of her being, and left her reeling, trying to pick up the pieces  of a relationship ripped apart, and wondering how she could ever forgive, trust and let alone Love  again.

I too have had to face the choice of either hanging on to a time of betrayal, hurt and intense humiliation, or to let go, forgive, so my inner peace could be restored. 

This didn’t happen overnight, and just when I thought I had forgotten the hurt and sense of betrayal, it would rear its ugly head, and my peace would be gone.

It wasn’t until  I dropped the ammunition I kept as a protection against getting hurt again, did I finally have peace of heart.

I believe God sees every little detail of our lives, we may wonder why we have to go through such struggles and tough times, but God  can use what we go through, as a means of us reaching out to another, who is going through  a similar experience.

After my colleague had confided in me, I wrote this for myself and her.

 

TRUST………LETTING GO.

TO TRUST……..is to have faith

TO HAVE FAITH…….is to let go,

In letting go we drop our suspicions,

Accusations, jealousy and the need for revenge,

These are our protection against getting hurt again,

TOOLS……..

We hang on to like ammunition,

By letting go, we feel vulnerable, naked,

And open to being Hurt again…….

When we have been pierced to the heart by betrayal,

told Lies and deceit,

We want to inflict pain twice as hurtful,

We lose trust and, in its place,

Grows a soul-destroying canker

Of distrust.

A jealousy so strong that,

IF we let it……

It can eat into our very being.

HOW CAN WE FORGIVE?

To forgive would be like letting the one who has hurt us,

Get away with not suffering…

We want to withhold from them

the peace, that

Forgiveness will give them.

Yet……in with holding,

We rob ourselves of obtaining

That peace for ourselves.

Healing takes time……

To trust takes time……

But with faith….and the courage,

To drop our ammunition.

We can learn to have  hope in our hearts again,

we can begin to trust, forgive,

And experience deep inner, cleansing  Peace.

Giving room for Love. 

Peace has resumed!

Today, I feel more like this swan gently gliding on smooth water!!!!  I love my grandsons and mabel the puppy very dearly, but its been so good to be in a place of calm contemplation once again!!

NO LONGER “LOCKDOWN NANNY!”

No longer am I “lockdown nanny”

Only plain old “lockdown Lou!”

The house is quiet, no boys or pup,

I’m left  wondering what to do!!

But then! Oh bliss, I have the time,

At last! To sit in peace!

No longer at the beck and call,

From grandkids, pup,

all cease!!

Instead of stolen moments,

From busy days to pray,

I now can sit at any time!

To pray throughout the day!

No puppy puddles to mop up!

No longer refereeing,

No more getting bored grandkids,

To play and just agreeing!!

The silence is so wonderful!

after 8 weeks nonstop noise,

I just appreciate the peace,

From my lovely pup and boys!!

(After thought)

I guess they must be thinking

Yes! We are free at last!!

Lockdown bootcamp Nanny

Is firmly in the past!!

what will it take?

 

I began to write this at the beginning of lockdown and have only now come across it again!!  so although the lockdown is being gradually lifted, I guess much of it is still relevant. 

What will it take to bring us to our knees!!!!

In a world that’s in lockdown,
There is deep dread, and fear,
A life threatening virus,
Causing death far and near,
We are living in times
Never lived through before,
This virus is claiming
Both the rich and the poor.

Was it only last year
We didn’t think twice,
At how many loo rolls
Or packets of rice,
Went into our trolley
As we shopped without thought,
Taking for granted
The food that we bought.

In life before lockdown
We jumped in the car,
Filled it with fuel
And travelled afar,
No social distancing,
No Face masks to wear,
No clapping or cheering,
For those who give care.

Now we’re in lockdown,
A strange place to be,
Stay at home, do not mix,
Is the government’s plea,
When so many are dying,
Especially the old,
It makes sense to abide,
By what we’ve been told,

But there’s one place to go,
No restrictions at all.
We can kneel before Jesus,
He will Heed every call,
He will comfort and love us,
Take our part, intercede,
Will listen and give us,
The peace that we need.

So, still keep your distance,
wash your hands, wear a mask,
Be ready to answer
If any should ask,
For the reason you’re smiling
Just make it quite clear,
Gods in full control,
There is nothing to fear

Lockdown Nanny!!

With all the rather depressing news around the covid 19 and lockdown, I decided to put  my experience down in verse, just to hopefully bring a smile and a chuckle to anyone feeling a little jaded by the present way of life!!!!!

 

 

 

Lockdown Nanny!!!With two boys and a puppy.


At first it seemed a good idea,Just two weeks maybe three,

To have the grandkids just to stay,So my daughter could be free,

To go and care for those in need,While lockdown comes in force,

To stop, defeat the virus, Until it runs it course,

Well let me tell you one and all,I’m not cut out to be,

A lockdown nanny, oh no way!!That’s definitely not me!!!

The first wall of resistance,Was….yes you guessed that’s right!

School work…you must be joking!,They’d rather play and fight!!!

I go on google classroom,Encourage Boys to look

,Exclaim at how much fun there is,Should we read that book?

Or maybe build a castle,With a working drawbridge fine,

And NO boys, YOU are making it,It’s all-your work…not mine!!!

I threaten zero screen time,I promise treats galore,

I’m sounding like a nanny From a bootcamp more and more!!!!

Sanity is part restored,By the daily walk outside,

We walk across a field of grass,To a place where boys can hide,

Another walk is down mill lane,Again, I wear a frown,

With so much water, I just fear,They’ll both fall in and drown!!!!

They Climb a gate, and call the cows,They stroke them without fear,

As I am trying desperately, To say, don’t get too near!!!

 Back to base, it’s time again To fill their hollow legs!,

One loves chips and dippers While the other one loves eggs!!

In between homeschooling Eating, being bored, and walks,

I seem to go from nanny chats,To bootcamp nanny talks!!!

By five pm I’m on my knees but still …..there’s tea to cook

And after bath and cleaning teeth,There’s to read a bedtime book.

 

Now let me introduce you, to Mabel…our small pup!!!

 She’s the sort who never grows much more Than the size of a coffee cup!

She wees and poos where  ever,the place is smelling  right,

She eats and sleeps and runs around,And loves to play and fight.

Because she is so tiny,I have this fearful dread

We may not see her tiny selfAnd on her we may tread!!!😩

She’s like  a new born baby,I thought those days were past!

So by the time they’re ALL asleep,I can go to bed at Last!!

Seven weeks..still counting I am nearly on my knees!!

Each day I  pray so earnestly And the Lord has heard my pleas,

Six more days, yes only six!!!!Then dare I say it ..free!!!!!

 No longer lockdown, bootcamp NAN,But gosh…just plain old ME…..PHEW…..!!!!!

 

 

“Where are you?”

Over the last few weeks, I have been self-isolating with two of my grandsons, age 9 and 6.
It’s been a challenging few weeks, especially now I don’t have the stamina   I used to have!!!
One thing I have been very aware of is how they hate not to know where I am!!!
If I go out of the room, go to the bathroom, go outside to hang washing, it’s only a matter of minutes before I hear “Nanny…. Nanny”!!!!!
I must admit to feeling exasperated, not being able to go to the loo without them calling me!!!!!

“We thought you had gone!!!”

“Do you really think I would just leave you”!! I say in exasperation!!!

“why would I just go and leave you?!!”

Then, the other day, it was as if I heard a voice saying, “well ! you are just the same”!!!  How many times do you call, and ask, where I am! Despite all I have promised, despite my love and mercy, despite me saying I will never leave you or forsake you, you still question, doubt and are fearful in case I will leave you”!!!
How God must be so exasperated with me!!! I can now understand how he must despair of me, when I call and question where he is, wondering what he is doing in a situation of my own making, limiting what he wants to give me, to help me.
I need to take these words and print them on my heart….Mathew 28:20….”and behold I am with you always, to the end of the age”!!

 

How is it?

How is it that even now,

As an unseen deadly enemy Is attacking so many lives,

Leaving a trail of terror, and unbearable grief,

I can go for a walk,

Where birds are singing, unconcerned,

Trees are Changing from brown twigs,

As brand new green leaves unfurl

.How is it,

As I walk through a lush green meadow

Beside a river,

Under a sky of unbroken blue,

And nature is busy all around,

Birds nesting,

Insects going about their business,

And crops continue to grow In fields.

How is it…..life continues Where there are no humans involved.

God is in control of his creation,

He knows already the outcome,

The fallout,

The way the world will be,

After this terror has gone.

Will, those who have no thought of their mortality,

Be suddenly, confronted With the realization…

that Tomorrow may not come!

Will there still be those who question Why?

Even as I walk and ponder on these thoughts,

I know, and am in no doubt that God is in control,

He sees,

he knows,

he hears,

he loves,

We should not fear.

Thoughts from Ethan

 

This  is Ethan, 9 years old.One of my 9 grandchildren.

He loves to help, make cakes and help in any way he can. he is very sensitive to others feelings, and thinks very deeply about life. when I suggested he could write a poem or prayer, he recorded his thoughts and then we put them down.

 

There is one who heals the sick

He helps the poor and blind,

He is mighty, brave and was willing

To become a sacrifice,

For everyone,

Taking all our sins

On the cross.

Jesus loves us every day,

Day by day,

He never let’s go,

Even if we sin a little,

He stays and loves you.

When you are sad,

Maybe at the end of the day,

Feeling blue,

Go to your bedroom, lock the door

And go to the one who heals

And tell him all your troubles.

Jesus will always listen.

A Widerness Experience

      Just recently, I read of someone coming out of  an experience, where their faith and trust and everything they had believed in, had been  challenged by an overwhelming life changing situation.

They knew and loved God, they knew deep down he would not fail them, but Satan knows when to sow big doubts and fears as he sees us at our most vulnerable.

This resonated with me as I too had such an experience in 2013, a year after life changing surgery for mouth cancer. 

 It’s possible in these uncertain and  bewildering times we are living,that we may question, we may feel a lack of faith, a lack of motivation to read our Bible, to even attempt to pray. 

    BUT…..      the amazing and wonderful thing about this is, we have an intercessor, we have our loving Saviour who is praying for us, he can hear our groanings and see our tears and take them to our Heavenly father,  who Loves us, and will never let us go.

Its when we come out of this wilderness experience, we can look back and see how gently we were carried through, to come  again to a place of renewed faith, love, and a deeper knowledge of Gods never failing Love and Grace through our Lord Jesus Christ.   

I wrote the following when I was at my lowest ebb.                              

A Wilderness Experience.

I feel as if I’m wandering

In a place that’s dead and dry,

I have no motivation

To get up from where I lie

But I have to make myself get up

And face another day,

Ignore the fact that once again

This day feels flat and grey.

Where has my faith and trust gone

In the God I love and know

Without his help and comfort

I cannot feed and grow,

Why am I feeling like I do

Tears never far away

Yet I have so much

To thank God for every day.

Maybe it’s not that God has gone

But I have failed to pray

To give him full control

To guide me each and every day

Failed to take his outstretched hand

Missed hearing words of love

Trying hard to cope myself

Not aware of God above.

Help me Lord to once again

Say” not my will but thine”

Take control I truly pray,

And like, the water turned to wine,

Let me let you mould me

Until you only see

Your will lived out within my life

And nothing left of me.

If I could see……

If I could see what God can see……how different my choices 

I can only imagine what I may see

At the end of the lane,

Where I have the choice to turn

Left or right,

or even go straight on!

The lane is shrouded in shadow,

Because the field beside

Is in brilliant sunshine.

At the end of the lane is a sign

GIVE WAY!!

Give way to possible danger,

Give way,

Let danger pass before proceeding.

God sees and knows the outcome if I turn

Left,

Right

Or straight ahead!!

God sees the outcome if I stay in the shadows 

Or step into the sunlight,

God sees and knows the outcome 

Of our every breath,

He knows the number of our days

He sees if we give way,

Or give in,

Lord as I think of your all seeing all hearing all loving presence,

Please give me the wisdom to always choose the true way

That will bring me ever closer to you.