These words came to me as I was going through a very difficult and heartbreaking time. my daughter had been diagnosed with a severe mental breakdown. and was going through the breakdown of her marriage. She was self-harming, anorexic, bulimic, and suicidal. I was supporting her in every way I could as well as looking after her two small sons. She would tell me things, what she was planning to do, and what I should do if I had the boys, and there was a note on her front door.
Without that inner strength and endurance that came as I would pray in utter desperation, I would not be standing now.
This was written last November, 9 months on, she has tried to take her own life, but, thank God for his mercy and love, she is getting the right help and support.
If anyone, has experienced this, themselves or someone close to them, I just want you to know, I am here for you, I am not a professional, just someone who can empathize, and listen, and pray with you and for you.
THANK YOU, LORD.
Because you are holding me I am still standing,
Despite walking in the valley of despair,
Of pain and heartache,
Despite holding on to one I love, as she breaks,
And can see no way forward,
As her dark thoughts engulf, causing me to fear,
for her life..
I can only pray…..
“LORD, hold her in your arms”
I am still standing,
Because you are holding me,
In the face of such deep mental pain, etched on her face,
Her frame, so frail and thin as I gather her up in my arms.
Even as I hold her, I know you hold us both,
Give me the strength to be there for her,
Even in the long dark hours of the night,
I wake and pray,
“Please LORD, hold her tight,
Let her feel your love”
Even as I, am conscious of your love,
Because you are holding me, I am still standing,
I cannot do this on my own, so dear Lord,
If at times,
I wonder where you are
In all this,
Forgive my doubts
I know you are always near,
Never far away,
Thank you, LORD,
For bringing me to my knees,
In utter wretched grief and fear,
To hand this burden of tears, hurt, pain and helplessness,
I am only standing,
Because of you dear LORD,
Are, holding me.
26th November 2018.